This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
