Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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