This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
