did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
