Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
