there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
