Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
