Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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