he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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