my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
