if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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