Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
