why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
