According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
