remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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