There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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