Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
