Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He did a backflip because drugs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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