At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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