Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
