I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
