I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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