jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
