omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
