I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
