I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
