my phone needs a breathalizer
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize