the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
