Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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