So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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