Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
pray to the hookup gods
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
