508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
where are my eyebrows?
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