Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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