Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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