i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
