Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
