She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
