there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize