Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
