she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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