How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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