Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
