He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
