I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
