I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
