Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
