i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
