He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
