i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
