So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
