I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
