I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize