i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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