How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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