man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
