Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
