my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
