no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
