I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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