I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
