the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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