He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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