Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
