Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
