I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
