I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
