The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
