Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
