Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
