you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
