OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is the high leading the old right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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