A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
