So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
