the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
